This blog post is most definitely not along the normal lines of what I post here, but I still think it's important to read.
I tried to write this in a tweet, then using TwitLonger, and eventually I realised, it needs to be here on my blog.
Admitting my faults.
As my friends and the people I follow teach me more about the problems around gender, not just in the tech industry, (but of course that's a part I heavily care about), I find more times I've been at fault. As I learn more, I find myself being the guy from this, "Liberal Dude Erotica", not to that extent, but you get the idea. Then when I am that guy, I usually immediately realise I've been that guy and start getting angry at myself for it, and then questioning the validity of that anger and if that's just a continuation of being "that guy", and I don't know, it gets very confusing.
This can be really difficult to deal with, it's a huge hit on your ego, you feel invalidated a lot, but here's the sad truth.
It's more difficult for the people experiencing the problems I'm learning about!
With that knowledge at least, I keep on learning about the problems. I continue to have other people and myself keep me in check and show me parts of myself that I didn't realise were inherently sexist. It's hard, but it's harder for the people that have to deal with the way I act when I am at fault.
This is my admission to being at fault, to having problems with the way I think, but I hope this encourages some people to starting learning, or keep learning, and maybe speak up and say "Please tell me when I'm at fault! I won't lie that it will shock me a little, but I will quickly check my actions."
In reality, this post is probably me being "Liberal Dude" again, but hopefully this does more good than the bad I'm potentially not seeing.